Are your kids refusing to go to the other parent’s home during custody exchanges? Do drop-offs and pick-ups turn into stressful moments? You’re not alone. Transitions between two households can be challenging, especially for children coping with divorce or separation.
Before you assume the worst, remember this: resistance doesn’t always mean your ex is a bad parent. There are many reasons children push back during parenting time, and most of them are normal. Understanding why it happens and how to respond can make co-parenting much smoother.
12 Reasons Children Resist Parenting Time (That Don’t Mean Your Ex Is Unsafe)
Children’s emotions after divorce are complicated. Here are some common reasons they might resist visitation:
- They blame your ex for the divorce.
- They feel pressured to take sides: from you, siblings, or extended family.
- Separation anxiety: they’re used to being with you most of the time.
- Parenting style differences: your ex enforces rules while you’re more relaxed.
- They dislike your ex’s neighborhood or environment.
- They feel guilty leaving you alone and worry about your happiness.
- They prefer the other parent’s gender or want time with the same-sex parent.
- They dislike your ex’s new partner.
- They feel bored and have fewer activities at your ex’s home.
- They can’t express their feelings to your ex.
- Teen issues: your house has more freedom or perks.
- They want to manipulate the situation to get what they want.
When to Take Action: If your child mentions abuse, neglect, or unsafe behavior, contact your attorney or local authorities immediately.
How to Help Children Overcome Parenting Time Resistance
Children have the right to a healthy relationship with both parents. Unless there are real safety concerns, your role is to support that bond, even when it’s hard. Here are six practical strategies:
1. Explore the Real Reason
Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s making you feel that way?” If your child says your ex is “too strict,” clarify what that means. Rules like chores and bedtimes are normal. If you hear something concerning, address it calmly with your co-parent.
2. Get Your Ex’s Perspective
Children sometimes leave out details or exaggerate, to get their way. Talk to your ex before reacting. Present a united front to prevent children from “playing” one parent against the other.
3. Check Your Own Behavior
Do you act sad or upset during drop-offs? Do you ask too many questions when they return? Children often mirror your emotions. Stay calm and neutral. If needed, seek counseling for support.
4. Avoid Legal Talk
Don’t tell the children that they “have to go because of the custody order.” Instead, reassure them that the schedule is what you and their other parent believe is best. If their needs have changed, speak with your attorney about possible modifications, don’t make unilateral decisions.
5. Offer Creative Solutions
If your child misses you, schedule a quick video call. If they feel bored, suggest activities or let them pack a favorite game. Giving children a sense of control can reduce resistance.
6. Teach Communication Skills
Encourage your child to express concerns directly to the other parent. If they’re nervous, practice what to say together. This builds confidence and problem-solving skills.
When Custody Modifications Are Appropriate
If your child’s resistance is ongoing and tied to genuine issues, it may be time to revisit your parenting plan. Courts focus on the child’s best interests when considering modifications.
Need Help with Custody or Parenting Time Issues?
If you’re struggling with visitation challenges or wondering whether a custody change is necessary, we can help. Our experienced family law attorneys and mediators will guide you through your options.